Guess 1994 - Anna Nicole Smith, my scan
Completely inspired by her beauty.
Chronic insomnia sucks ass.
Outgoing is “In”
Something about getting to know someone new terrifies me, and I don’t know why. I never used to be so introverted. I used to be considered the “party boy.” Everyone couldn’t wait for me to arrive it almost felt anticipated anytime I met up with friends. These days, I don’t have a lot of those moments. I’ve spent the last 2 years convincing myself that that was apart of growing up — growing apart from friends & having it be harder making new ones. That’s not how it should be. So, I took it upon myself to be more outgoing.
Tonight I texted a co-worker that has seemed like he’s been wanting to get to know me better, but hasn’t asked me to hang out. Tyler told me I should be more outgoing & ask him to hang out, so I did. We don’t exactly have set plans, but I put it out there for him. He said that he was hanging out with another friend (from work) tomorrow, but said he would ask her if she’d mind that I joined them. But, from it looks like, he really is looking forward to hanging out.
I guess this is the start of the “old” new me.
Back to my roots.
The love(s) of my life | Part 1
I made a post awhile back about finding an old letter I wrote to myself years ago. I haven’t dated many men, but from each of them, I’ve learned something:
I never realized how stupid alcohol can actually make me. Last night I visited my past, a Mr. Franklin. My first mistake was going to see him. I should’ve just stayed with Brett & Ryan. I don’t know. Ryne said he’d be back by 3am the latest. He wasn’t. It’s not like I’m disappointed in him. I’m more disappointed in myself than anything. I’m running off of about 3 or 4 hours of sleep. I wanna just shut down. All in all, this weekend has been one big, hot mess.
- - Apart of me hopes he doesn’t call.
He says he wants to prove all this bullshit to me. But, I don’t know if he’s changed. Hard to tell, I suppose. Even if he did, I can’t be with him. He’s my best friends ex. That’s besides the point. I don’t think I can be with him right now, if that, at all. He’s a monster. Except, he didn’t get off last night. Which I guess makes sense. I’m not falling for it though. I would be an idiot if I did. It doesn’t help the fact that I kept thinking of Andrew. I miss that scruffy face, that red pickup truck, his secret love for country & obsession for 3oh!3 and Cobra Starship. I wonder if he misses me?I I guess its possible, but logically thinking, from our phone conversation, he couldn’t care less. I need to get over him..
Tiny retail space.
I work at the service desk in Target and tonight was actually a pretty good night; I was caught up in my tasks, all of my defectives were audited, and the desk was clear from any mess. I thought my night was going really well, especially since I got someone to sign up for a Red Debit Card. My sister randomly came to visit & talked to her while I was sorting through a re-shop cart. After she left, I went to go put the empty cart behind the desk to replenish for the softlines cart. Now, there really isn’t a lot of space back there so, I pushed my cart and it hit the wall. I had accidentally hit the damn fire alarm and it went off throughout the entire store, I was so embarrassed. I had no idea what to do, so instead of calling someone over, I just continued working like nothing was wrong.
NO ONE CAME TO HELP ME FOR LIKE 5 MINUTES WHILE THE ALARM CONTINUED TO GO OFF.
This is my life.
So, I’m not a huge Rihanna fan, but something about ‘Stay’ gets me. It’s such a beautiful song, so I think that’s the next song I’m going to do a cover of. I’ll keep everyone posted.
A Small Note
I’m feeling frisky today. I don’t know if it’s the warm weather, but I am going BOY CRAZY.
I found it in the glovebox
Recently, my car died (R.I.P. Lulu) & today my mom told me that I should start cleaning it out to get it ready so I can sell it.
Back in 2010 I wrote something on the train ride home from Chicago and it was possibly the best thing I’ve ever written. I kept it in my car as a reminder, but I guess it was buried under all of the other things that have come up in my life. A hand-written 2 page note to myself (used the front & back) was discovered today. It’s almost like I was meant to find it today.
A couple of days ago, I blocked a few namely people from my Skype contact list. It was necessary to keep me out of trouble. I deleted the racy photos from my iPod and decided to start over. I’m not scared anymore. I’m completely devoting myself to Tyler because I can tell he’s been really trying. He only deserves the same in return.
I’ll type the note later on here.
I won’t leave anything out.